And I wrote this song for you...

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 20:35:23 GMT

So, yes. Livejournal. Umm..
I don't do it anymore.
My last update was like 10 days ago.
I've gotten all caught up with myspace and blah blah blah like that.
But today I had nothing to do, and I read every one of my old entries.
Who is a loser?!
Ashley is.

<3

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 17:02:22 GMT

Raghghfd. I want to go to sleep.
Yesterday I went to Emilys house. We were supposed to go to the movies but we didn't have rides, and it was pretty sad... But I went to the movies on Wendsday night so I didn't really want to go again. On Wendsday Kirsten, Me, Adrienne and Amy went and saw The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, whoop. It was alot of fun, but a seriously sad movie. We were all like, crying. It was pathetic, but sadly we couldn't help it. Then last night we were gonna see the Longest Yard, but we decided to go to Coldstones instead. JV and Dustin bought us all ice cream, cuz they're stupid little rich boys. Haha it was exciting. Oh and Emily and I talked to some pretty awesome people on the phone. Yay.
Well anyways, we didn't go to sleep untill about five, so I'm super beat. Amanda is coming over today so I'll probably be stuck with alot of the work... And I won't be alowd to sleep. RAhsghd. This sucks.
Ok well I really don't have anything else much to say... Call me if you love me cuz I won't have anything better to do. <3

Fri, 27 May 2005 17:10:49 GMT

Fri, 27 May 2005 15:23:01 GMT

This is a little delayed, but..
NO.
MORE.
SCHOOL.
!!!
I was so sad on the last day. But it was awesome. It was exactly what I wanted the last day to be. Last Wednesday-- After second period we went to Floyds' class and ate Beef-O'Bradys food and hung out and took millions of pictures. It was pretty awesome. After that, Kirsten and I went to Hoopers class cuz we were bored and then left with kevin and dominic and went and saw Corey and John. But then we had to go back so we went to Flowds calss and took a few million more pictures.
After that was the volleyball game in which our team didn't do so great, but it was all good because they were playing Grease music which made me very happy. Because I love that soundtrack. After that was the talent show which was very spiffy because I got to see Vagrancy and Michell Phelps was a ninja. And I like ninjas, so that was awesome.
After the talent show Kirsten, Desi, Amy, Kait, Kenny and I ditched our busses and hung out in front of the gym for a while. It was sad too saying goodbye to everyone.
I'll put some of the pictures from the last days on here.
Anyways, yesterday Kirsten and I went to Adventure island and hung out with Sierra and Meagan. It was boring so we left and got red Iccees and Cheese Puffs. Then I came home and took a shower and ate dinner, then went back to Kirstens. We went bowling with Kerry and Spock and Scott and Amy. I cant bowl worth ANYTHING, and my highest score was like.. 52. But I thought that you weren't SUPPOSED to get alot of points, so I figured I was doing pretty dang good with a score of 3 in the 7th frame, but then I remembered that that was golf. We stayed up till about 3:30 and my mom picked me up at 9. I'm super tired but kind of excited to be going to Orlando. I want to get out of my house for a few days, just not with my family. So we'll see how that goes.
Ok, well I don’t have time for the pics right now, but I promise to do it Monday. When I get back.
<333333333333
(CALL ME THIS WEEKEND AND PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY.)

Tue, 24 May 2005 00:28:03 GMT

Ok, well, I'm definitly not in the mood to write, but stuff is happening. So here are the highlights.

1. Uh, I think I'm in love.
2. We got our yearbooks today. Im in 6 pictures. Akaylee is in 19.
3. My yearbook picture is even more hideous than I remembered.
4. They were stupid and put Kirstens 'hand' picture in. Its okay Kirsten, your still gorgeous. <3
5. 2 more days.
6. I <3 the Kirsten.
7. Everyone is changing. If you havent already done so, stay the way you are. Cuz its rad, and there is no need to be anything but so.
8. New layout, under construction.
9. Uhh.... I think I'm in love.

<33333333

Sat, 21 May 2005 13:41:00 GMT

And you will get a phone call.
You'll hear heavy breathing.
Until a daunting voice will say to you...
3 DAYS.

Thats right. 3 days of school. And 79 days until I get to go work my butt off in IB. What can I say…? I’m terrified.

But I don’t have to think about that right now. I’ll I have to think about is how much fun yesterday was, how much fun tomorrow is going to be, and how extremely awesome this summer will be.
Raghsdhfgsd.
Eighth grade skip day was just...
Ugh. I can't even describe it. SO.MUCH.FUN.
We went to Adventure Island just like every other awesome person in our school that we saw there. The people we mainly hung out with were Kirsten, Amy, Kirstan Lane, Michael and Kody. Ew. Kody, (Mr. Clean. Hahahahahahah, Kirsten.) But there were so many people there, that we basically spent one minute or another with everybody. The majority of our day was spent playing volleyball, which happens to be the best sport ever. Next to running, of course. Kirsten and Shelby and I are on the Keys 8th grade volleyball team. ;-) Unoffically.
I'm very excited for tomorrow. I'm going to go with Kirsten to Gregs house. Whooppppp. Pool Party. At Gregs house. What could be better?! "Hello, this is Ash, she's my god-sister-in-law." "WHATTTTTT?!! Okay." Hehe. I love you Kirsten.
ANYWAYS. Although it did take me about a week to do so, I finally got rid of Max. ’Got rid of’ sounds so mena. But hey, you have no idea. I still like him so much. So, so sososososososoosooo much. But I know what’s right and what isn't. So I had to do it. He’s bad news. Very, very bad.
Ok, well... today I am doing so absolutely nothing at all. So call me. So I'm not lonely. We get our yearbooks on Monday!!! Whoop. The last 3 days are gonna be spiffy. But sad at the same time. I’m gonna miss Pine View. XXX0

Taken from Johns lj <3

Sat, 14 May 2005 14:59:46 GMT

A survey taken from Johns lj. Have fun! <3

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF...

» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY..?

» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[13] Are we close? sort of?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you

Thu, 12 May 2005 18:21:50 GMT

Oh, my life is so boring and pathetic.
But it's a rich boring and pathetic life, so it's okay.

Oh. And Happy Finland Snellman Day
That's right, it's Finland Snellman day.

Let's see what else this beautiful day in history has brought us in the past.

Limerick Day
National Hospital Day
1960 Elvis Presley appears on a Frank Sinatra special
1980 1st nonstop crossing of US via balloon
1993 Final episode of 6 year run of ABC's "Wonder Years" in Netherlands

I guess today really isn't that interesting... But I was bored.

Anyways... enough of this silliness. I'm obviously not at school…
I woke up this morning and I felt really bad. Times 72 million. PLUS 14. Yeah, it was awful. But anyways, my head and my stomach were both killing me, but I couldn't focus on them because of how bad my throat hurt. I got up anyways because I didn't want to miss school, since we only have a few days left and I want to enjoy them. I went in my mom's room and I was like "Owww. Im in pain." She gave me some pill and told me I had to go to school. I was like "I know, I want to go!" But then about 10 minutes later shes like, "Okay, you can stay home if you're that sick." But I still wanted to go to school. So I got up and went to get dressed, but I couldn't make it halfway across the house without like, dying, so I decided there was no way I could get through school.
Ok so then I layed in bed and my mom drove Cody to school and went to Publix and she brought me popsicles and ginger-ale so I was very excited. I'm telling you, the red popsicles are magic. Anwyays, I felt a little better and my mom and I went shopping. Cuz that always makes me feel better. My mom bought me a pretty Cross necklace cuz my old one fell off in the ocean. :-(
Anyways, walking around was very painful and now I feel even worse... Its pretty sad. And my parents want to go CAMPING this weekend. Aghh... I don't want to. I want to go over to kaits and go to church with her. And watch the contempo recital and go to Buca de Peppo with kirsten and kaitlin. BUT INSTEAD, I get to be crammed in one little camper with 9 people. Ahh!!! Oh Well. Who knows, it could end up being fun?
This morning I was reading "Green Eggs and Ham" to my little sister. She kicked me in the face…Tough critic. Or maybe it was to get me back for saying she has rabies. Cuz she does.
Ok well, its probably a bad idea to be sitting here on the computer so maybe i'll like, sleep or something. I missed you guys, you best call me.
<3 7285515 <3
(if your stupid and forgot.)

Ash*

I may just be a notch in your bedpost, But you're just a line in my song.

Wed, 11 May 2005 23:23:57 GMT

Well Well. Today was boring and there is nothing to write about so I will tell you the boring stuff! In very explicit deatils. So this is EXACLY how my day went today. Have fun!

Ok, well this morning alarm woke me up to "The Bare Neccesities," Which happens to be an extremely cool Disney song. It was 6:30, just like every morning, but I decided that I was way too tired to get up so I went back to sleep. Then I woke up at 6:42 to miss Lauren coming in my room and asking me for her pants. I told her they were dirty, and she demanded that I let her borrow my pink frilly shirt. I would have said no if I wasn't so tired and wanted her to go away, so I told her to take it and leave. Then my dad came in at 6:50 and was like "GET UP, SLEEPY HEAD!" And I was like "UGH! GO AWAY!!!." But I had to get up or he would drag me out of my bed. So I did. I put on my long sleeved turqouise shirt and Lauren's pants that were never really dirty, but I wanted to wear them so i told her they were. Uh-oh. Bad Ash.
ANYWAYS. I after I got dressed I put on a little makeup and went into my moms' room like I always do. But she was sleeping, cuz shes sick, so I went into the kitchen and ate waffles and chocolate milk all by myself, ( Healthy, eh?). Then I went and fed the babies breakfast, and changed their diapers, just like every morning. After that I went in my room and played my Format CD 4 million times over and over. Then I got yelled at for not spending enough time with my mom. *Sigh.* She was asleep. But after that I walked to my bus stop and I was sad because Shelby had on an extremely cute outfit and I felt very inferior. But it was ok, because I feel like that alot. I got on the bus and this 6th grader was eating disgusting chips that smelt like dog crap and my head hurt from it. When I got to school I was busy avoiding someone but my lovely friends thought it would be funny to force me to talk to him so I did. I stood with Max for 5 seconds and then told him I had to go. Which wasn't a lie, because I did have to go. Then in first period it was all siffy cuz Hooper wasn't there which made my day brighter. But then I sat and thought about what an awful girlfriend I am and I got depressed and decided not to talk to anyone. I answered some stupid quiestions about shrimp and it was boring. Did you know that shrimp farming is extremrely harmful to our environment? Well it is. Then in second period my day got worse because I had to run the mile and I got 9:21 which is extremely awful for a campus run time. Then I sat down on the track for a few minutes because I was a little out of breath. Then I got up and got a red popsicle, which happened to be the highlight of my day. After second period and endless babbling from this girl Alexis whom I hate for calling me ugly to my face, I went to THIRD period and delvered a package to Ms. Swetland. Adam was glaring at me, and I found out at lunch that he hates my living guts because I'm going out with Max. Psh. OH and Kirsten told me that Sierra didn't invite me to her party because Adam said he wouldn't go if I was there. But its ok, because I wouldn't have gone anyways. At lunch I ate our school's really disgusting pizza and a yellow gatorade. After lunch I went BACK to peer and put off filing mail by hiding in the workroom and cutting paper with the big sharp paper-cutting thing. It was fun. But then Ms. Gay found me and made me go do work, and I found Kirsten and we delived books to Ms. Robinson. Then about 5 minutes later we went and took the books back to Ms. O'Connel cuz she was stupid and didn't realize that Ms. Westlake was at lunch or something. Anyways theres thing really awful girl who always calls me a skank cuz shes in love with Rotell and is mad at me cuz I went out with him. And she kept coughing "skank" and "whore" and stuff at me. I want to beat her face in so bad, but I decided not to give her the pleasure so I just smiled at her. Because thats what you do when people are mean to you, your extremely nice to them. It bothers the heck out of them and you feel good about yourself. Or you tell them to go to hell, that works too. Then in fouth period, I went to Floyds room only to find out that I had to go to the other side of the school and spend another joyous period in Hooper's room. But it was cool cuz we had this sub who gave us Kryptograms which I have suddlenly fell madly in love with. I did two of them, and one of the answers was, "Don't judge something by its appearance, the early bird may simply have been up all night," or soemthing like that. I was confused and decided that even though kryptograms are fun, they provide no educational purpose or meaningful quotes. Anyways, the sub gave us strawberry candy which I decided was poisenous because it tasted like it was full of arsinic and I felt sick after eating them. In fifth period we did easy pie algebra that was just solving radical expressions with FOIL. I was excited becasue I really wasn't up for the hard math today. In sixth period we listened to Hughes babble about boring boring things like how we shouldn't leave trash on her floor or something. Hughes daughter came in and I realized how much they actually look alot alike. Only her daughter is actually pretty, and Hughes is a little creepy. But they do look a little alike, in an extremely contridicting way. After sixth, I decided that even though I'm being a REALLY bad girlfriend, that I would not wait for Max today because I think we need space. He calls every day and I see him after every single calss, pretty much. Its overwhlemling and hes very intimidating, to I decieded not to wait and then felt bad when he found me and kept asking if I was mad at him. I didn't know what to say so I told him I had to go because my bus was leaving. Which it was and I didn't want to miss it. So I got on my bus and layed my head on the window and listened to Eric say talk about the book he was reading or something. When I got home I had some cookies and milk, and did my algebra. Kait called and we talked for about an hour and a half and I told her I'd try to come to her church this weekend. Then she had to go to youth, and Emily called. We talked about how every problem in our lives has something or other to do with our boyfriends and how life would be alot easier if they would just die. Then I yelled at myself for being a bad person and decided that I need to talk to Max about how things are going downhill and what we should do about it. But he never called. Which is a good sign because he calls every single day and I think he actually gets it that we need to spend time apart. And then I got online and talked to super spffy kevin who is the coolest kid I know, and John told me about how he had a bad day and it made me very depressed. John, I think you need a red popsicle because they make all of life's troubles go away for me. But only for the 5 minutes I'm eating it. Then my porblems come back-- in full. We're gonna need alot of red popsicles.
Ok, Well. I actually could have gotten into alot more detail but I'm bored with it. I'm really tired and think I need to go to sleep so I will talk to you guys later. Call me, ok?
<33333

Tue, 10 May 2005 22:25:23 GMT

Rasdjhgdfsdghf. Today was fun!!! We got to go on a feild trip to the crossbar ranch. Everyone expected it to be really awful, but I thought it ended up being really cool. Lets see, the day started off with Kirsten and I almost missing the bus. They had to hold it back for us because we're stupid and didn't hear the announcment. Then on the ride there I was exteremly squished. When we got there we went on this safari-type thing and we took lots of pictures and played with weird fish. We named them and it was awesome! After that we ate lunch and did a few other really stupid water test things. Akaylee, Shelby and I ended up drowning Floyd in a sinkhole. Haha... I guess you had to be there.

Sat, 07 May 2005 00:40:12 GMT

Ok, I am definitly a loser this weekend.

1. I couldn't go to Kevin's show.
2. I can't go watch Kirsten's play.
3. I Didn't go to 180. Again.
4. Oh, Yeah. And I'm grounded. (But what else is new? I'm always grounded. I have an "Attitude Problem.")

Anyways.
Did I mention I'm going out with Max? Ok, Middle Scool relationships are stupid. Times 40 million + 12. Its not like we'll even remember eachother in 20 years.. the time when things will really matter. Why not concentrate on the important things? Like getting a decent education, to make something really great out of myself? At first.. I thought I was the luckeist girl ever. To be the girlfriend of this really amazing guy. But its middle school. These 'flings' are nothing.. Right? This crazy kid thinks we're going to end up getting married or something. He's taking it all REALLY seriously... and it's very intimidating.

We were such good friends. Talking on the phone. I told him my problems... he told me his. Everything seemed so perfect. But I can't help thinking..
Was this meant to be? I don't want to ruin our friendship.
((..And I definitly don't want to marry him..))

Down came the rain.

Sun, 01 May 2005 23:10:33 GMT

Owww.
Stupid Ashley. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
This is what I get for completely screwing over the idea of sunscreen. Now I look like a lobster.. its scary. All of my friends are going to get a kick out of it, too. If your reading this and you go to Pine View... promise not to laugh at me?
Anyways.. the beach was fun fun. Lauren and I had a good time together. Except for when she kicked me at night when we were sleeping. She doesn't know how to stay on HER half of the bed. Haha Lauren.
Gosh I haven't updated in soo long and I still have so much to say but I have to go. Do this survey :-)
<33333333

Whats your middle Name:

If you could change one thing about your school, what would it be?:

If you could change one thing about you what would it be?

Name 3 best friends:

What features do you like in the opposite sex:

Do you believe in love at first sight?:

Do you have a crush on anyone:

What was the last thing you ate?

Whats your favorite book?

Have you ever skinny dipped?

Name some of your favorite artists:

What's your favorite subject in school?:

White or Black?

Blind or deaf?

Blonde or Brunette?

The Pros and Cons of breathing?

"You can have a boyfriend, Ashley. You just can't see, speak, or have anything to do with him."

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 23:42:21 GMT

So..
Hi, and stuff.
Alot has been going on.
Too much.
All of a sudden.. I'm not aloud on the phone with guys. Where did that come from?
I have no idea.
Zip.
Zero.
Nada.

My mom never cared before. She used to think it was cute. But not now? I don't get it...
And just when things were getting better.

"Thin. Pale. Canadian." Haha, Kirsten.

Ok, ANYWAYS..!
I've been doing a TON of writing lately. It makes me feel better, which I've kinda needed.

Wow. I have absolutely nothing to say.
Talk to me people.

<3

Cross My Heart.
Hope To Die.

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 01:18:25 GMT

Raghdfjsdkgferut. Such the boring life.

This weekend I went to Ems and hung out with her and Jaime. We went to the rec and had oodles of fun, blah blah like that. Lauren went all off on me saying I was a huge slut because I wore a tank-top out of the house. So what? It was hot outside.

We layed outside by the pool for like, 3 hours on Saturday. I was very excited because I thought my pale-ness was going to go away. But I didn't even get a tan. And I'll probably get skin cancer from putting too much tanning oil on. Ah Well. :-(

Then when I came home on Saturday, I went to sleep at about 5, woke up at 6:30 to eat dinner, then at 7 went back to sleep. I didn't get up till 10 this morning, and then slept for about 3 more hours this afternoon. Soo... I got about 19 and a half hours of sleep in the past few days. And I'm still really, really tired.

Is that normal?

Today I did a ton of laundry and homework and took a super long shower. I also painted my nails. Which I hardly ever do. Like, once every 6 months. So yay for me, I wasn't lazy today.

But they are INSANELY bright pink. People will probably laugh at me.

I'll laugh back.

:-D

Ok well. I'm off to sleep. Night.

Do you believe in rock 'n roll? And can music save your m o r t a l soul?

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 18:30:34 GMT

Today I didn't go to school...
Because I just didn't feel like it.
Lauren and my Mom are both sick so I said that I stayed home to help with the monsters.
I mean sisters.
I didn't do anything all day, It was boring.
I made a new CD and ended up listening to American Pie for like, 4 and a half hours straight in my room. Its one of those songs I could never get tired of.

Jaime is here!!! She came to visit from NJ!!! So tonight, her, me, and em are going to hang out. Probably just the movies and a sleepover. But yay, I'm excited.

Ok, well. Call me later if your bored. I can guarantee I will be.
Seven 2 Eight 5 Five 1 Five.
You know the rest.
<3

P.S- In response to my last entry, he did call. At like, 9:30 or something.
:-D

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 00:01:18 GMT

Today was exciting!
I didn't know we had honor roll, but we did and I got to miss my first 2 and a half classes. Yesss. The 8th grade one was booring. But it was awesome when Shelby and Akaylee and Kirsten and I got to work at the 7th grade assembly. Shelby and I decided to start a band. We were playing air dums and laughed when people were pointing and giggling at us. We were like, "Uh, yeah, we're cool and we know it." Haha. It was actually really dorky.
Then afterwards I hung out with all my cool 7th grade friends and ate disgusting cookies and watered down punch. But we had fun. Me, Emily, Kasey, Frankie, Corey, Nick, Michael.. and a few other people didn't go back to class for a while. It was aweomse. I'm gonna miss those people next year.
Today after lunch I talked to Max and he said he was sorry he hadn't called me in a while and blah blah blah. Hes like "Oh, I promise to call you tonight!!" And all of that. He made a big deal out of it and it was sweet. It made me feel special.
Then he never called.
Not like I was waiting next to my phone for like, 5 hours or anything.
Because that would be pathetic.

Ok, well. I'm out. I think I'm goignt to go to bed early tonight because I have alot of sleep to ctach up on. <3.

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 23:48:20 GMT

Today was boring as usaul.
The highlight was first period, which I usually hate but was fun today.
We were doing this crazy water testing deal that we've been doing for like, 2 weeks. Its so stupid. But Hooper paid a crapload of money for it, so we have to do it.
Anywayysss. We already finished the acidity test and now we're doing carbon dixoide. All we do it mix a few chemicals and see if the color changes. But the chemicals are really expensive and extremely toxic and stupid blah like that. So anyway, I accidently knocked the whole bottle of Rrghdsghjrt-515544 something or other all over myself today. It says on the label "may cause cancer." Uh, Oops. And we knew Hooper would FLIP if she knew the whole bottle was gone... so we filled it up with water. Cuz it looks like water.
Only problem-- the whole water test is screwed without that stuff. So every period after mine was very confused as to why nothing was working. I feel kind of bad. But tis not my fault. Carrei knocked it over. But then again, I'll probably die from cancer anyways, so then Hooper will feel bad and we'll be even.
Will you come to my funeral?

<333

Oh, and happy 420.
You better not be celebrating!
Because it is
STUPID
STUPID
STUPID.
Kapeech?!

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 00:35:50 GMT

Raghsgerdgjfdsr.
I'm so bored.
I'm going to do what John did in his journal.

I want everyone I know to ask me a question, I'll answer it, and I wont get all emo about it either. Do this to your journal too.

Ok, I'm ready...

Bring it on.

♥

I'll be your best kept secret.. and your biggest mistake.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 01:03:00 GMT

Wow.
This weekend has been alot of fun...
On Friday night I went to the PVMS street fair. It was really lame and boring.. but I had to go because Emily was working there or something and I was staying the night at her house. So yeah, after that we went to her house and hung out for a while, and at like, 9:30 or something, Me, Em, and her two sisters decided to go to Target. Just a random thing I guess, but it was fun. Then on Saturday... Emily came home with me and I went to this picnic thing for my Dad's works which ended up being really cool. Lots of free food. And... then Emily spent the night, and went home this morning. Then today I went to the mall with my mom and Lauren. It was so-the-happy. I only had 70 $$ so I wasn't going to buy alot, but then my mom randomly slipped Lauren and I a hundred dollar bill. Exciting, huh? Especially if you know my mom, who is all for the " If you want something you have to earn it-You don't always get what you want-I'm not just going to 'GIVE' you money, you have to work for it, " --Deal. So that was plesantly surprising. I got... 5 shirts and 2 pairs of shorts. But my mom paid for the shorts, too. ;-) It burnt a hole in my pocket. But I saved some money for Mothers day and stuff. Cuz thats coming up.
Anyways... I think I really needed this weekend. To take my mind off of alot of things. Bad news-- school again tomorrow. But I decided, no more being sad. Because its overrated and life's too short.

Ok, well. I guess thats it for tonight. I'm tired.
<3 Night.

So there was this boy.

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 00:17:25 GMT

I wrote a really long entry in here.
Seriously, like 2 pages long.
But I deleted it because it was incredibly stupid and pointless.
It just brings me back to the realization that I'm a bad person.
I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me or any long comments about "You aren't a bad person!!"
But I'm just saying what I'm feeling...
Which is what you're supposed to do in a journal.

There are a few people, who I'm not going to name, that are really contributing to my assumption that I need to change.
I'm shallow.
And mean.
According to other people.
Their words, not mine.

Maybe... Its not that I AM a bad person, but that I'm acting like one.
I don't know, though. Because I think there are things that make me a good person, too.
But the bad crosses out the good.
The good crosses out the bad.

So now what?
♥

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 01:04:39 GMT

Oh Wow.
Life is being very good to me.

I can't write about everything thats happened YET, because.. well, I'm not sure if its real. For all I know... I could be in a dream. I could wake up any minute. Things like this... well, they never happen to me. So I'll wait for confermation that this is all true.. then I'll tell you all about him.
I mean it.

Today was mostly fun... Except third period. There was this girl, who I don't even know, that was sitting in guidance crying her eyes out. I knew that alot of rumors were going around about her, but I didn't know if anything was true. So I decided to be a good peer and sit down to talk to her. I ended up talking to her for almost an hour. That poor girl.. kaitlin, you're the only one who knows about it. And my sister. But wow.. You guys have no idea what this little girl went through. She was crying so hard, I almost cried with her. I hope I helped her.. I tried really, really hard. But I think she helped me too. She made me realize how incredibly good I have it...
Alright, I can't even think about that any more becuase it's going to depress me.

Anyways. I think I'm going to go do algebra homework because I have a B in that class and it bothers me.
Love.

♥

Please Help me.

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 22:09:16 GMT

Oh boy, Oh boy, Oh boy.

I will tell you now, that this entry may appear apathetic and emo to some of you. And if that is going to bother you or be used against me, please stop reading now, because this really needs to be said. I need something cleared up.

Ok, Well.
I've realized that I am a really bad person.
I am mean to people?
I talk about people?
I take constructive critisism on people, way. too. far.

I'm losing all of my best friends, one by one,
And I deserve it.
I need to change,
Or else I'm going to end up completely alone,
If I'm not already.

But the thing is--
I don't know how.
How do I stop being me?
Is 'me,' as bad of a person as I think?
Do you think I really, really need a change?
Tell me what about me is really mean...unfair...and annoying.
Tell me how to fix it.

The first step towards helping yourself is admitting you have a problem.

And Housten,
We definitly have a problem.

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 01:21:34 GMT

Yess.
I'm happy.
I'm not sure why..
But I like feeling like this.
There is something great about being
Really
Happy.

This weekend has been great so far.
Kirsten came over yesterday and we went to see Guess Who.
It was okay.. but pretty much the whole movie was about racism.
But Ashton was in it, so it was worth $6.
She spent the night and we hung out at the Rec today.
It was about a million degrees outside,
But still fun.
Then when we came home I went to sleep for like, 4 hours, and then ate pizza. Yum.
After that, Lauren, my parents and I played BS and Yatzee. I really didn't want to, but it ended up being fun...
I won every game we played. ;-)

Ok, well. I think I'm going to put a bunch of my favorite song lyrics in here. You don't have to read them.. But I think the music people listen to tells alot about them. So here... This is me.

This is side one,
Flip me over
I know i'm not your favorite record.
--Dead on Arrival.

You need him. I could be him...
I could be an accident but I'm still trying.
That's more than I can say for him.
--Grand Theft Autumn (I love this song.)

I was terrified... And would you mind if I sat next to you and watched you smile?
(* One of my favorite lines to a song... *
* Ever. *)

Let’s play this game called “when you catch fire”
I wouldn’t piss to put you out
Stop burning bridges and drive off of them
So I can forget about you
Bury me in memory
His smile’s your rope
So wrap it tight around your throat

--Tell That Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today (Kind of a violent song, but I love it.)

Give it up I can...
Flower and a hand
I hope this helps you see...
Signed, Sincerely me.

--Dear Jamie (This song is really slow.. but I still love it.)

So if you wanna say 'I like you'
I might feel just like you...
If you choose not to
Well, I knew you would.

--If you Wanna, I Might. (I can relate so much to this song.)

This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue
And my eye through the scope
Down the barrel of a gun
Remind me not to ever act this way again...
This is you trying hard to
Make sure that you're seen
With a girl on your arm
and your heart on your sleeve
Remind me not to ever think of you again...
--Tomberwolves at NJ. (TBS concert-April 25. Let me know if you wanna come!)

Ce soir, ce soir
Assassination d'un Rock & Roll star
--Kill Me Ce Soir (I like this song becuase I understand it.. It combines two of my favorite things in the world. Hard Rock and French. I love having a contridicting life.)

OK, Thats enough for tonight.
<333

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 21:35:09 GMT

Of course.
I should have known.
He has a girlfriend.
An extremely
PRETTY
Girlfriend...

Today sucked.

Someone save me.

♥

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 21:50:22 GMT

Wow...

I haven't updated in about a week.
Well, in the last week, a whole crap-load of nothing has happened...
Ok, maybe a few things. ;-)
Things not worth writing about in here,
But most of you know anyways.
Some of you.
Alright, like two of you,
Know who you are.

;-)

Well. I think I will go burn a new CD.
You should all gawk at my awesome new layout
And then praise me on how friggen awesome it is.
I know, I know.
Its great.
Haha.

Love you.
For Always
And Forever. <3
♥